Category Archives: Abu

The Daddy Snare

Perhaps, there is a better title but what I am referring to is the trap of dependency and indebtedness to a benefactor. Daddy (be it person, organisation or institution) provides for you, so that you are, in some ways, indebted to them, as well as dependent. The effect of this debt and dependency is that it becomes difficult to blame them for the harmful things that they have done/are doing. The good and the bad combine and clear moral judgment becomes frustratingly difficult to reach.

Clearly, the less dependency, the weaker the physical Daddy Snare. But, even if you escape dependency, the moral indebtedness remains. How many people are trapped in a frigid, irritable relationship with their elderly parents? They blame their parents for their not being happy in adulthood but, recognising that their parents also made painful sacrifices for them, they can’t simply hate them. The result is a limbo emotion between contempt and guilt, making for a cold relationship which has some form of appreciation buried deep within but never demonstrated.

Yet, as disspiriting the lingering Daddy Snare is, the immediate version of the snare is clearly the most harmful. It is what traps spouses to a Jekyll and Hyde partner who is an abusive benefactor. They are giving, as well as harming. If the abused partner is isolated, they might well stick with their “Daddy”. In fact, they might continue to feel emotionally attached to them, finding it hard to overlook the generosity of the Daddy, in spite of the abuse.

It is why people might stick with a job despite a difficult employer – not just for the pay but, often, the employer will have a generous side. Then, it becomes hard to truly reject the employer who occasionally provides you with perks or praise.

The Daddy Snare of the dominant benefactor creates a practical and moral trap for the “victim”, who is both beneficiary and victim. The question is, how to escape the snare? The weakest in society, the isolated and impoverished are hardly in a position to abandon their Daddy. This is why tyranny continues in our society, in families, in employment – in every environment where their are relationships of inequality.

Some might say that the solution is independence. But, no man is an island. It is impossible to create a society of independent individuals. Dependency is inevitable and necessary. However, dependency should exist in equal relationships. Equality is freedom, as well as unity. Equality can only be achieved through dismantling unequal institutions and rebuilding them.

Institutions such as employers and families are flawed where they are hierarchical and based on inequality. They perpetuate the Daddy Snare of emotional and practical entrapment. They deny freedom. All work and, in fact, all human relationships, must be bound be free choice, not economic or emotional necessity. This means rampant capitalism and tribalism must go if we want to free ourselves.

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Posted by on April 24, 2012 in Abu, Tyranny


The rain falls

The shares are down quite badly. The financial sectors have taken a hammering. His debts are biting back and the monthly payments are growing like tumours in the imagination. It is the night and the rain is falling outside. He sits with his Koran, chanting. He rides the waves of the Arabic in the undulating strain of a Bangladeshi reading God’s tongue. Each undulation rises to a tuneless crescendo, as if he seeks to wall himself in with his voice. The dull song floats out of the gaping windows, into the darkness and the patter of the light rain.

It makes him feel as if he is not sat imprisoned in his house and debts but flying. The Arabic is crunched through his throat without much grace but he is still moving. Even better, he is crushing the vegetation as he charges. His strength is too much for the world.

His roars grow louder. There is no shame in God’s tongue. No-one can complain, not his family nor the neighbours. A frenetic rage urges him on, rampaging through the page of strange sounds. He detests music but he is making it. Music is a refuge from the hunt of thoughts. This is where he is scampering like the hunted fox.

Nextdoor creak out into their backyard and the tinkle of their dog’s collar can be heard. He roars the Arabic even  louder, daring for them to doubt its sound. There is silence in which the neighbour cowers. The dog quivers with a whine and then a growl. Then, it starts barking up at the window violently. Shhh… the neighbour whispers. The dog barks, he roars Arabic and the rain falls.

Then, in the silence, the trickle of liquid can be heard between his recitation. The dog is pissing and, in the tomb of night, it sounds loud, as if the moon is melting. The door creaks shut, as dog and neighbour return indoors and he continues to recite, his voice rising and falling. He is looking for escape from the world but there is none.

He is my father.


Posted by on April 19, 2012 in Abu